Sitting on a ledge

Soloing is a mugs game, apparently. Or so someone once said to me. But is it a futile or unprofitable endeavour? Certainly death is not a great outcome, and it can result in that... great climbers have fallen on easy routes... unprofitable at the extreme perhaps, but futile? And then to do it in your running shoes...

I've begun to think of it more as an earnest and conscientious activity intended to accomplish something: ironically, in order for me to be as safe as I can on attempting the Cuillin Ridge project, I need to be comfortable soloing extremely exposed climbs. I have accepted that the 'unprofitable outcome' in the worst case scenario runs true. While this is usually the result of a chance event... bad luck, a hold gives way, one slip... I rationalise it statistically. When I've done the job I no longer need to solo... and then does it become a mug's game? In truth I find great enjoyment in it. Is that reason enough then?

Certainly some lovely outings the last few weeks have built alot of confidence in my ability to get my head in the right place and do the job (with joy!), however as I have now learnt, and in truth had always expected and indeed anticipated, your 'head' can just 'go' one day. And then you find yourself sitting on a ledge and deciding today you don't want the chance to die...

Could I have got myself out of it? Yes, if I had to. But I decided today to phone a friend. He'll give me stick on it forever I expect, but it was the right thing to do: to admit failure and ask for help.

I sat on that ledge in my ill-prepared running kit (I had neglected to bring a warm jacket) shivering. I remember telling myself it was a good lesson and I just needed to suck it in and suffer a bit. Lessons learnt. The distant figure running up the path to rescue me was in comparison a moment of complete gratitude for friendship that I will likely ever remember or never forget.

Apparently now I can call myself a climber. I think I agree. It gave me alot of time to think, and I was happy about it... and also very lucky that I have an awesome mate to come and rescue me, and a beautiful view to enjoy while I waited!

* Editors update: http://sarzmountainrun.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/getting-back-on-horse.html